Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she woke up with a sticky ear
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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