$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
