You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I've blown a few things in my day
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
