We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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