I am puke
I cannot find my penis.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize
