Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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