I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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