I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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