how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
