If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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