Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
