I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
