my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
