btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
