It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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