chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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