my being single is dangerous.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
