he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
