I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
