I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
