Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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