You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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