I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
