She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
