Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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