I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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