so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
