i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
