I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
