ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
