He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
