Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
