yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
