all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
