No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
