Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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