I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
