I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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