I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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