I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
