We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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