I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
bring money and cleavage
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
