You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
