My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
