You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
