Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
birth control should be required to get into college
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
