do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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