I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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