scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
