Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
