That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
