Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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