last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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