I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
