ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
