drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
